(dis)HARMONY .com
We've all seen the commercials for the on-line dating services promising to match you with the perfect person. You watch the couple embrace one another and gaze into each other's eyes smiling as they tell their audience how wonderful their life is now that they are with Mr. or Ms. Right.
Wouldn't it be interesting to see a commercial with that same couple embracing and smiling one year later; only this time I'd love to see a conversation bubble pop up over their head's showing us what they are really thinking.
She says, "I love to talk about my problems as I work through them."
His conversation bubble says, "I like to keep my problems to myself and I can't understand why she wants to talk everything to death."
He says, "I'm an introvert and I need some time alone just to recuperate."
Her conversation bubble says, "Why doesn't he want to spend time with me?"
"I can't understand why he wants to be alone."
And the (dis)harmony begins; all because we communicate so differently.
Men and women are very different creatures indeed.
Although that is a true statement; we can't forget that men and women are made in the image of God
Genesis 1:27, "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." (NIV)
Being the only female in our household I've learned a few things (a very few things) about the male brain.
Perhaps it would be helpful if all men came with a
caution sign printed on their forehead.
I'm no expert; but I have found these things to be helpful.
CAUTION: Use at your own risk
1. The male brain cannot receive or process hints ever.
You must be straight forward and tell them very clearly
what you want.
Don't get your feelings bruised or your panties twisted because he
didn't buy you the outfit you were hoping for
if you only hinted about what you really wanted.
You need to tell him which store is holding the outfit (in his name),what floor it's located on and the name of the salesperson holding it.
I purchase ALL of my own gifts then Tom wraps them and adds a surprise.
It's always exactly what I wanted, the right size and color and I haven't returned any of "his" gifts in 25 years.
2. The male brain responds well if you give them the
bottom line first.
Every detail of your story is not as important to the male brain as it is to the female brain.
Keep it short and sweet, get to the bottom line quickly.
In doing that I've found the male brain is open to hearing the important details.
Remember, women use twice as many words
in a day as men do.
At the end of the day most men have used up a
ll of their words,
while most women still have 1/2 a day of words left.
The male brain is quickly drained by minutia
Okay, I've shared a few, now it's your turn.
How do you keep the (dis) harmony at a minimum in
your relationships?


Blogger Digging for Pearls said...

I'm in an all male household too! :)

Two things off the top of my head - my husband and I try and have some time each day to talk and catch up with things - not usually long, but just enough to reconnect together. Also we try to have a date night at least once a month. Sure would like it to be more than that but often the schedule and finances don't allow.

Hope you have a great day Zoe. Thanks for stopping by my blog.


Blogger Charlene Kidd said...

I love this!! Allan and I use a lot of this type of information when we teach at couples events. One other thing to think of; Men are focused people, they do not multi task very well (it is how they are wired). So if he is doing something (even watching TV), do not give him vital information that will need to be remembered--he will deny you ever told him!! He truly did not process it.
I have learned to get Allan's eye contact if I need to give him important information.
Hope that helps someone.

Blogger Zoe said...

Hey Charlene,
I agree, Tom & I always joke that he's not just an engineer by trade; but also by design. Knowing that men can only operate on one track at a time (poor dears) makes understanding them a bit easier.

Blogger Joyful said...

Keeping (dis)harmony at a minimum involves forgiveness. Keeping short accounts. Making an effort, as much as it depends on you, to have hurt feelings cleared before going to sleep. My husband (also an engineer!) is soooo quiet. I find I can get so frustrated while waiting for him to answer what I think is a simple question. I've learned he needs to process things before he speaks. Giving him time to do this helps so much and in the process God is teaching me patience.

I'm sure he could add a few things he struggles with about me too.

PS. Charlene, thanks for the eye contact advice - so true!

Wow! I could really relate to this post. I am a wife and mother of 3 teenage boys. I have found that being quiet gets there attention. Like you said--women use twice as many words. It seems like when I stop talking so much the more I am actually being heard. And definitely make eye contact. I will even have them repeat back to me if it is something really important!!

blessings to you!

Blogger Jenny said...

That is funny! Chad is the only guy in the house with 4 girls, so I'm not sure I know much!

I do know he loves for me to just sit outside if he is working even if he is to far away to hear me talk.

OK Chad has one to add, "don't tell me your problems if you don't want me to solve it!" I agree with him, he always has an answer!


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