Good Morning Bloggy Friends,
Thanks so much for your comments on "The Big Chill" I love reading your comments.
In all honesty, I do feel that I have done everything the Lord has asked of me regarding this "broken" friendship.
I've talked things over with one of the Christian Counselors I work with (a great perk and benefit for me) and this is the insight I've gained.
1. Because we're human and we live in a fallen world we're not always going to be friends with everyone; there are even Christians who don't want to be our friend and that's okay.
2. We're commanded to live as peaceable as possible with others and sometimes that means putting a little distance between you.
3. This time in this situation I really have done everything asked of me by the Lord.
4. The Holy Spirit is the only one who can empower someone to change. The only person I'm responsible to change is me!
So... where does that leave things?
I'm learning to become a Q-TIP
Quit
Taking
It
Personally
Friends, there is such freedom when we stop agonizing over situations like this. I've discovered that so many women spend countless hours, days, months and years of their lives fretting over broken friendships.
When you obey everything the Lord has revealed for you to do, you've put Matthew 18 to work in the situation and received godly counsel then you can move on with a clear conscience.
In conclusion...
I will continue to love this woman as a sister in Christ, I will continue to ask the Lord to bless her and I will employ the following verses
Philippians 3:12-14
Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
What are your thoughts?
7 Comments:
Hi Zoe,
I went back and read both post to catch up and I want to share something a wise friend once told me.
We are to love everyone including our enemies...but we are not to fellowship with them.
We have a different meaning of fellowship than the Bible does. In scripture Fellowship means stay close to like a close friend or partner.
This friend is the Old Testement/Hevrew professor at a major Christian school. She is brillant but also has the most God-seeking heart of anyone I have ever known.
This helped me when an unhealthy friendship ended in hurt...but we were in the same church.
I was able to love and pray for my former friend. But now, I was healthier because I was not under her influence and fellowship.
Sometimes the best way we can be someone's friend is to not be around them.
Sounds weird but it is true.
I love you so much and you are in my prayers often.
I would love to give you a big ole bear hug!
Pamela
Zoe,
I love the QTIP stuff. Great thoughts as well.
Diane
Zoe - I had a similar circumstance a while back. A friend began avoiding me, and after much trying I was able to get in touch with her. She said I was an abusive friend and she couldn't believe I didn't know what I had done. After I asked what it was - she went on to tell me that THREE YEARS AGO I had said something that offended her. WHAT?!?! She had harbored this thing I said in jest for 3 years letting it ferment to the point of our friendships cost. I was sorry to lose her, but I thought, if 3 years earlier she had said "Hey, that wasn't funny, it hurt my feelings" I'd have apologized all over myself AND had a guage to measure myself by. That is, I'd have known to cut back on my "Funny" remarks.
As it was, she said my problem was I treated her like a sister, but she wasn't - and blood is thicker than water. So live and learn.
I say - move on and QTIP it. We can't live our lives for others, but just need to continue to be ourselves, as long as we are walking with the Lord.
Hope you don't take the Big Chill to heart.
Zoe, I have a friend who was so dear to me, and one day, completely out of the blue, she e-mailed me and said she had enough friends and didn't need me any longer. I remember that day so clearly, but I have let it go. She told me I could still write to her, as she loved receiving my letters, but she no longer wanted to pursue a friendship or spend time with me.
My son and I were driving in the car the other day, and I was fretting over a relationship and he said "Mom, let it go!" I told him it wasn't that easy. He asked, "Do you want to know what I do when I'm in a similar situation?"
OK...sure..what does my 16 year old son do?
He said, "I ask myself...have I obeyed God and done everything I can in the situation? If my answer is 'yes' then I move on and leave the rest up to God".
Oh to have the wisdom of children!
Great post Zoe.
Love ya,
Joy
Zoe,
I definitely need that Q-Tip slogan in my life! Thank you for sharing your heart.
kim
Zoe,
With those new muscles you have, you could have taken her!!! But, am sure you were perfectly graceful in all that you did. It was so wonderful to have our hair done together today. You are so great at sending me off encouraged. I appreciate you.
Blessings,
Charlene
Zoe,
Sanctification...that's what I think it is. Painful relationship issues are unavoidable, so we can expect them. They keep us testing our hearts and seeking God. They keep us finding our satisfaction under the wing of the Almighty.
Blessing those who hurt us makes us more Christlike. That is the bottom line, isn't it?
Takin' up my cross daily...I finally get it I think.
Q-tip. yeah, great acronym.
I have always had one or two issues like this in my life since meeting Jesus. It keeps me growing in desperation of Him.
Bless you!
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