The Zen of Sarcasm

I hope you'll enjoy these my sweet Bloggy friends,
You'll notice the ones I need to pay attention to.
Enjoy!

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. (That's one way to get a new pair of shoes) Hahaha!!
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night


3 Comments:

Blogger Joyful said...

Zoe, I have seen the truth of several of those lived out in my life.

Praying I will grow in true wisdom,
Joy

Blogger Joyful said...

Thought I'd come back and add a few more for fun:

If you’re one in a million, there are six thousand people exactly like you.

A person who aims at nothing is sure to hit it.

Those who cast the votes decide nothing. Those who count the votes decide everything.

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.

Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

Stupidity got us into this mess - why can't it get us out?

Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.

People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.

It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.

I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path.

Anything free is worth what you pay for it.

Indecision is the key to flexibility.

It hurts to be on the cutting edge.

If it ain't broke, fix it till it is.

You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

Age doesn't always bring wisdom, sometimes age comes alone.

AND...in keeping with my inadequacies in the kitchen:

My idea of a "Happy Meal" is any meal I don't have to cook.

AMEN!!!

Just for laughs,
Joy

Blogger Tammy said...

There are so many of these that I have experienced in my life. I hope to continue to grow and learn. I did like the idea of new shoes though...heheheh

love and blessings

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